Sunday, February 22, 2009

Things that suck – an (almost) abbreviated list

A week or so back at the office, in a moment (hour plus) or so of weakness, I decided my duty was to manufacture a much-needed laugh. So, I forwarded a list of things that suck to a few colleagues. 

I now know I was on to something. In fact, this could be bigger than sudoku... Soon, the ideas were flowing in a back/forth frenzy. See for yourself how liberating and easy it is to point out random things that suck. Feel free to add your suckage to my partial (and growing) list.

In no order, things that suck:
. vacuums
. our economy
. the world economy 
. the 2008 Detroit Lions 
. any movie featuring Carrot Top
. building a 2 cycle engine from scratch using only a hammer and flypaper
. estimating taxes
. death by toothpicking
. corporate speak (Example: "assembling a cross-functioning, multi-disciplined team to create synergies across multiple platforms...")
. Carrot Top (I really don't like that dude)
. the gooey cheesy shit from a can at Taco Bell
. getting bit by a m*****f****** deer, thus the need for a bambalance
. caulking anything
. stigmata
. pre-meetings to discuss strategies for the actual meeting (WTF...)
. walking into a spider web
. recent MBA graduates in their mid-twenties that actually believe they understand business
. Notre Dame football fans (they aren't even the best team in Indiana. Get over it)
. Ticketmaster 
. Live Nation
. Ticketmaster and Live Nation merging...we're fucked now
. acronyms
. people who think the new Pepsi logo is a rip off of the Obama campaign logo (seriously?)
. wind chill factors below 60° F
. taking the trash out
. taking the trash out and then having the trash guys not show up...
. non-leap years
. air travel post 9/11; terrorists 1, freedom 0 (7 years later, I can't carry a Pepsi through security? We've officially jumped the shark as a nation.)
. Tuesdays and Thursdays (odd years only)
. Nancy Grace 
. death pools that don't have Steven Adler from Guns 'n Roses (good drummer, tortured soul)
. people that see the Virgin Mary in English muffins (or Elvis at Starbucks)
. the font Comic Sans
. the NCAA (so you got rid of an Indian mascot. Nice job, you self righteous tools) 
. Xcel spreadsheets as a communication tool. You're kidding, right? 
. turtles (true confession: I love all living things. Aside from turtles)
. dark chocolate 
. earthquakes
. professional athletes who've forgotten that it is all about the fan
. hecklers at amateur sporting events 
. hecklers at pro sporting events 
. politicians who sell their votes to lobbyists... of course, that doesn't happen in America
. the Republican strategy in the 2008 election. 
. smog
. pop up ads
. ED advertisements. I like the NFL but don't want to explain erectile disfunction to my 8 year old daughter simply because the Cardinals are on DirecTV.
. TV shows about hunting: BAM. Nice work, now own a "former deer".
. penis enlargement emails. Can't wait until they make TV ads...
. phishing
. fishing
. I'll simplify: reality TV sucks, period.
. Larry King interviewing anyone associated with the Casey Anthony case.
. The Bounty Hunter and his 'tarded band of bro's... Christ, we are dying as a country, aren't we?
. 2am phone calls for "Umm, Shanequa?" No. Wrong number (asshole)
. 2:02am phone calls. "Is Shanequa back, yet?"
. Gene Simmons. You get laid. Alot. We get it. Now, shut up.
. the wacko fans of Dale Earnhardt, Jr. He is to his daddy what Kyle Petty is to the King. Comprende?
. Pittsburgh Steelers helmets. Just one logo? 
. Cleveland Browns helmets. Not even as good as Pittsburgh's...
. American Idol. 
. speed traps.
. any beer that suggests you add a wedge of fruit...
. casseroles. The sum is not always better than the parts.
. ordering a steak rare. At least make the bleeding stop before you chew
. Carrot Top. Did I mention Carrot Top? Still don't like the Carrot Top...

I could go on, but adding to this list sucks.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Stupid list.