Sorry Cubs fans...

I've always been somewhat fascinated by fans of the Chicago Cubs and their stories of woe. As a lifelong fan of the Arizona Cardinals (yes, they are a football team), I've got a story or ten to tell about bad football. But, until last season, I estimate there were less than 10 confirmed fans of the Cardinals, so there weren't too many people willing to listen to me bitch about the "bad" years (identified by me as beginning the moment I first saw them on Monday Night Football on Nov. 16, 1970 and officially ending this past January, 2009 after winning three playoff games.)

Yet, Cubs fans are everywhere. And they point to events like the 1945 World Series incident (when a longtime Cubs fan – and his billy goat – was removed during Game 4), or 1969's epic collapse to the Mets (spurred on by a black cat encircling Cubs legend Ron Santo while on deck) to 2003's Steve Bartman (who looks remarkably like Subway's Jarod) interfering with the Cubs right fielder during the NLCS against Florida. More recently, they'll blame injuries to Kerry Wood and the rest if their glass-armed staff or the incompetence of former Manager Dusty Baker (a great player, but as a manager he could botch an intentional walk).

Let me make one thing clear: there is a curse. But, it has little to do with the hundreds of innocents that have laced up the cleats for the team representing Chicago's north side. There are far more greater forces at work here. Consider the Cubs perpetual ineptitude baseball's version of divine karma.

More to the point, any organization that at any time during its history would allow this as its logo, deserves to wallow in eternal non-winning purgatory:

Seriously, who in the hell thought this would be acceptable?  I realize this is from the early 1920's and that was a long time ago, but I'm pretty sure that even back then there was an understanding that a royal blue "C" and a brown bear impaled by a fucking bat was in poor form for a logo. "Cubby fans, don't forget to join us next week at Wrigley Field for Shit Stain the Bear Night. The first 20,000 fans receive a Shit Stain crying towel and barf bag courtesy of Old Style."

Regardless, the verdict is in. The Cubs curse is alive and well. 

Oh, Canada!

Most Canadians seem content. Certainly, they're not nearly as uptight as say, we ugly Americans...

Take this informational sign for Ottawa's Constance Bay. Church, Food, Shopping, Recreation, Gas and everyone's favorite, ballroom dancing:

You can be cool. Soon...

Hey, why not buy some funny t-shirts? All proceeds go to me and help support my Arizona Cardinals habit. There's plenty of great gear at my Zazzle shop... and more stuff all the time. 

C'mon, you really need a Legalize Crime t-shirt. Seriously...

Final Jeopardy

Something for every occasion...

Stock photography. I don't know how art directors and designers survived before stock sites. (Actually, I'm completely bullshitting. We survived because we actually had to think and have an original concept before. Now, we just settle for what's available because it's easy. And cheaper. But, I digress.) 

Today, there are resources such as iStockphoto.com that allow users to search and locate images that are just right for the occasion. For example, searching for the simple key word of "embarrassment", yields 3,505 images; Looking for awkward situations such as “adolescent boy with braces”, “man with pants down” or “women caught in bathroom stall”? Well, you are in luck.

You’d also be in luck if were searching for “Ashamed dog” (caught by a clever cartoonist sniffing his own shit just moments after the dirty deed). My guess is the dog is actually white... You figure it out:

Looking for a horribly rendered drunken monster being chastized by a horribly rendered authoritarian drunken monster? (Hey, aren’t we all?) Try “impolite young godzilla” on for size:



Need an over-the-top image of a pink horse with 1st place ribbon and polka dots? Hell, here you go... 

Whoever illustrated this is odd. But, whoever captioned it needs to step away from the meth. Here is the full description: Confused Champion Horse stayed in stable while Free Herd played on the valley:



How about the ever popular “Young Man farts and kills a bird” (I swear: that is the caption. What’s worse? It’s been downloaded more than 30 times...):

Seriously, who in the fuck looks at that and say, “you know, for only $10, this would make an ideal image for my project... “? 

Breaking non-news

Standing in the lobby waiting for the elevator at my office building this morning, I glanced over to the TV monitor on the lobby wall as I do every day. And, typically CNN has a "breaking news" story. Usually, it's something like an uprising in Uganda, flooding in the midwest, twin engine plane missing in the mountains of Utah, Governors flying to Argentina to bang someone that isn't the Governor's wife, or Tony Romo breaking up with Jessica Simpson... that kind of thing.

Today, CNN's breaking news story is the Michael Jackson video of his hair catching fire.

Holy shit. This is breaking news? A 1989 video of a Pepsi commercial shoot where Jackson's hair catches fire is breaking news? Have we stooped so low as a stumbling, demented, star-stalking nation that a 25 year-old video of a dead person suddenly surfacing is now classified as breaking news?

I suppose the network responsible for putting Nancy Grace on television shouldn't be held to higher standards, but to term this as relevant from a news perspective is simply wrong. This should be left to the TMZ's and E! networks of the world. Not CNN.

And this was a good idea when?

Today at the office, I heard a co-worker laugh at loud. Within 10 seconds, Jamie forwarded to me a shot that her friend had taken while "dining" at Panda Express.

No doubt about it, Ling Ling digs the cock... Seriously, is this a misguided attempt to outdo the brilliant "Eat mor chickin" campaign by Chick-fil-A? It doesn't work. On quite a few levels.

Seriously, which brainiac at PE HQ said, "Let's have a Panda Bear licking his chops with a thought bubble containing 'I heart cock'"?